Attack of the Fangirls
by Kozakura
Summary: Psychosis from the author of 'If I die Before I wake'. Severus rants on his fangirls and the authors that 'employ' him.


Authors Notes: Okay, every good author wants to write a fic in which she appears and is able to interact with her favorite character. Despite how pretentious I act, I do tend to be a bit ridiculous (okay, alot ridiculous) quite often. This is mearly an example. :-) Sorry if it sucks, I'm more used to writing Angst. I thoroughly enjoyed it though.  
  
Dedication: To my own real life Luccie, Jess, who begged an begged and beegged for this fic, and then petitioned it be posted on FF.net.   
  
Song of the Story: I know - Save Ferris (as teeny bopper and happy as I could find)  
  
ENJOY!  
  
Attack of Fangirls  
  
(Severus Snape, standing in front of a camera looking rather peeved)  
  
Snape: I would just like to ask why it is that I am worshipped by so many teenaged girls. I am mean, nasty, not exactly gorgeous, and try to keep a nice layer of grease on my hair to keep such reviling creatures away. But NO! I keep having the young things come back, always staring up at me with those huge Star-struck eyes, that nauseating look of a totally and utter obsession shining up at me!   
  
And DROOLING! THEIR ALWAYS DROOLING! Do you know how many pairs of boots I have lost to the fools?! These are my last pair! All the others wer utterly SATURATED and refused to stop squelching!  
  
And the authors! Putting me in these horrible fics where I'm either absolutely psychotic, a snivling coward, an evil, hearltess bastard, a victim of child molestation and rape, or a combination of all four! I'm not deranged and abused, I'M JUST MEAN!   
  
It's even worse when the authors are also the fan girls.... Then they jump all over me, drag me away, and make me star in their fanfics, and then...then they drool on me, ruining the boots!   
  
And I can't even begin to count the times I've been forced to have sex with that buck toothed Hermione Granger. It's ridiculous! I would never do ANYTHING with a student that much younger then me....well, at least not her. I do appreciate a roll with the Weasly twins.... But that makes no difference! I'm constantly paired up with EVERYONE from the books! No one else has to do that!   
  
Draco: I do....  
  
Snape (ignoring draco and continuing): I'm SICK of being treated like the village broomstick! NOT EVERYONE GETS A RIDE!   
  
And I'm SICK of being forced to live under deranged fangirls beds! DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAMPED THAT IS?! And all thsoe socks you've been missing? Yeah! THEIR UNDER THERE!   
  
I have been forced to survive on the cereal crumbs of that bloody author who sticks me under her desk while she writes, poking me with her pencil when she gets writers block! Whats her name... Kozakura! If she's not the most annoying of the bunch! With her Corn Pops and imagination gone psychotically wrong! HOW MANY TIMES CAN A MAN CRY AND THEN TRY TO KILL HIMSELF?! Honestly!  
  
And THEN! Then there's the-   
  
(Suddenly, Mark (AKA Kozakura) and her friend Jess come running on screen. The tall brunette and slightly shorter blonde(respectively) pounce on poor Snape, who lets out a blood curdling shriek, and attempts to run, only to be brought down by the two girls, more efficiant than any hunter when it comes to fictitious characters. Various pleading comes from the ex-death eater, as Jess pokes him in the stomach giggling, and Mark handcuffs him (she takes em everywhere with her), pulling him off screen. The screen is blank for several moments, and sobbing is heard from off camera. Suddenly Mark pops up)  
  
Mark: (waving like a psycho) HI!!! Sorry 'bout that, he got out from under me desk again....But Jess and I have it under control. Ehehehe...   
  
Snape: (from off screen) FREEEEDOM! (camera is knocked over as terrified potions master runs across skewed view of doors, bursting out and away, cloak flapping behind him. Two fangirls rush to catch up, squealing in disappointment.)  
  
END.   
  
Yeah, yeah I know.... :-P. Me mum laughed...of course, she's obliged to... 


End file.
